Last night I went to the beach. I love the feeling of going to the beach when it's dark. The lonely cry of the sea can calm my soul like nothing else. And yesterday it was also misty.
You could see nothing, but I saw everything. I was lost and found between the worlds.
And if I could walk into the sea, into the myst I would.
It's a feeling of ultimate loneliness, but in a positive way. I sang some songs for Manannán Mac Lir. I thougt about my spiritual travels going into the ocean as a selkie. And he teaching me the songs of the oceans, the stones hidden in the water, teaching me their wisdom. I prayed to Danu, to hold me and cradle me. To keep me safe. I begged Branwen to let me visions to be real, to heal my wounded soul.
I thougt about the visions I had and my worried heart.
Once home I thought about the conversation I had with one of my friends, I asked her for advice, because she is one of the few friends who can hear the voice of my heart when I can not hear it clearly myself anymore.
She wanted to pick me a card, but two fell out of the deck. One showed a picture of a woman sitting on a horse jumping from a cliff and the card said: I am in love with the adventure of life.
The second card said: I see my challenges as the highest goals in my life.
They hit me hard, and I could hear my heart scream out.... But I am afraid, I lock her out, because I am afraid for what I see.
Afraid for the joy of my own heart....
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