She who speaks to relatives (The beginning)

27th Of January I started my year training. Together with 6 other women we will work through all the 13 Clanmothers by the book of Jamie Sams.
In this blog I will share my stories, experiences and adventures during this training. I will do this in English so my boyfriend can read it too. My English will not always be perfect, so sorry for that :-)

The training started with an email that contained some questions. The most important questions for me to answer were these ones:
How do you see your femininity?
Where are you now in your life?
What shows itself on your path right now?
What do you long for in your life?
What to you expect to find/do in the training?

My answers:
How do you see your femininity?
I see my femininity like the ocean. Sometimes powerful, strong and fierce. Sometimes wild, untamed, full with fire. Soft, caring and embracing. But also broken, put down, denied in womanhood, beauty and love. My feminity has a very deep wound and needs a lot of healing.

Where are you now in your life?
I'm standing at the beginning of a new book. But i don't know how or where to start writing. I find myself in a new sort of freedom and I am very afraid of it.

What shows itself on your path right now?
Accepting of love
(lack) of (self) confidence
Stop being afraid of love
To have blind faith
Accepting help from others
Stop feeling lonely
What to do with my life?
Can i make it, can i handle it? (fear)

What do you long for in your life?
I hope i can reclaim my own power again, to be myself. Vunerable, feminine, beautiful. That my only weapon I will need is love, and that all other things do not matter any more. I long to hold the love that I have in my life and that I won't be afraid of it anymore.

What to you expect to find/do in the training?
I hope to find the contact with myself again. That i can become Nathalie again. The part that i have lost and what is given back to me in a very special way. I want to become soft and gentle again, I want to live instead of survive. I want to say to the little girl inside, it's over, you don't have to hide anymore, you can come and and play and feel how it is like to be loved. I want to hold her hand and never let go. I want to free myself from guilt and waht to be 100% in connection with my inner flame.
I want to jump voluntary into the deep with my eyes wide shut. I want to be myself again.

For me, answering these questions, brought me really to myself and got me to think about a lot of things.
But it also made me look more forward to the training. So it was time for me to count down to january 27.