The Owl, it took some time but I know now...

I think the owl is a bird that has been in my life eversince I was a little girl. But I never paid much attention to it. Last week I got a box with more of my stuff back and there were amazingly much owls in that box. My training this year also started with an owl (and a mouse hihi) and here on the farm we have owls too and they have my fascination big time. And I am the first one here who got it on camera.
The barn owl really stole my heart, his heartshaped face and his colours of autumn make it my favourite owl.
But yesterday I got a really big message about what the owl means... Of course we associate the owl with wisdom, but I know now there is much more to this beautiful bird and most of all I know why I have the owl in  my life so long. Let's say he kicked my ass that hard, I can not sit for a week...
This was his message:

Owl brings a deep changement on a soul level. He helps you to break with old patterns and helps you to get in contact with that part of you that will help can touch joy and happiness.

Nightcreatures like the owl represent the collective consiousness of menkind, the place of our true knowledge, mystery and magic. In our life we are not aware of these shy birds, but the call, hunt and look, when we are a sleep. We must be awake to understand them and than look at them, so than maybe we can understand theis wisdom.
When an owl crosses your way he predicts big things to happen, traditionally death, probarly the death of a way of life, there is an important passage going to happen. But don't be afraid. It will make a lot of good things happen.
When the owl came into your life, than life tells you that there are secret movements working there way to make good things to come. Just know it will come when the time is there.
You might wish for changement now and might be frustrated because nothing seems to happen. Owl tells you to relax and let the universe do the work for you.
Acting now is not good, just let it happen, because if you take action now you can disturb the way of the univserse. Don't think because you see nothing happening, that there is nothing happening!
Owl makes sure the right movement is happening now, that will bring the right changement in your life.

Working with the soul is digging in our own unconsiousness of the negative patterns inherited by our forfathers/mothers. Because we work with our soul we will run into pain, grieve and bad memories. Replacing the darkness in our soul for light, will help us to to connect with the creating powers of the universe who know our path and can soften it. The changement (and the happiness that comes with it), that the owl brings, is a special, joyfull interaction with yourself and others, that will lead you to deep inner peace in your intire being.

She wo speaks with Relations Goddess Doll (6th of February)

I had a creative moment and started to make Goddess Dolls again.
Of course the first one I made this year is inspired by the clanmother of January.
She who speaks with Relations.
In her colour orange, a jaspis-necklace and with her little fox friend :-)

And of course in the snow :-)

When you jump the universe jumps with you. (4th of february)

Sometimes when you jump into the deep it seems so scary. You don't know what will happen.
2 Days ago I jumped, I cut a cord, made a decision about my life that will be life changing.
I was very afraid and a lot of things kept lingering in my mind.
But than when I found myself in peace with my decision it seemed the universe supported my choice and I felt the universe jumped with me. Things fell in place. Solutions came and I feel happy.
So very happy.
I let love and magic back in my life and life keeps on suprising me.
And really I love it, my life in the here and the now.
With all the good things and the bad things.
But I can really say I feel blessed.

This morning in the garden......

She who speaks with Relations ( 3th of February, birds & winter magic)

Today the world covered itself in a white cloak. In just one hour the world was totally white and there for the birds came to look for food in our garden.

I love birds, they are magical and I love their energy. At the moment our garden gets invated by blackbirds and trushes. But also my robin came today together with a friend. So I enjoyed the morning with camera making pictures of the birds in the snow.

Trush looking for snails :-)

One of the many blackbirds.

My little robin friend.

But today I also finally played my flute. Together with my son I spend a wonderful moment playing it and I could really feel the sound of the flute soothing my soul. So more motivation to play more often and take the time to heal myself and enjoy this beautiful gift my loved one gave me.

But I also spend a little time outside today. I got myself some new boots, a warm fluffy coat and yesterday I got a late birthdaypresent, a warm scarf picked out with care, because the one who gave it to me, made sure it was in the colour of the clanmother of this month (orange).

All my warm stuff :-)

I wasn't really planning to go outside but for some time now I go to our barn everytime to see if the barnowls are there and I hope I can take a picture, but everytime when they see me, they fly in their giant birdhouse.

But when I came out of the shower this afternoon and dried my hair, my feeling told me to go outside with my camera because the owls would be there. And yes! there was one there!!!

I was so happy!! I could take photo's easily, so after some shots I went to my special place for a while and say thanks for this wonderful moment.

My place covered in snow.

And than got back inside where I got wonderful inspiration to draw an owl. And some ideas to make for my shop.

My drawn owl :-)

I can really feel I live more in the now and manage to first go in my own energy before I react on others or a situation. The bracelet is a good reminder because this clanmother teaches go to go first in your own energy before you can connect to others. And it really helps me to do it because when I go in my own energy first I can "scan" my feelings, energy etc before I react. Like that I can stay more calm, overthink my answers and learn to listen more to myself and to others.
Yes I really going forward, with little steps, but I enjoy  my surroundings with every step now, even the small steps, I feel more connected and more aware of everything.
Life is magical and I love it!

She who speaks with Relations (31 january, The She-warrior)

Today I was thinking about a training I also want to do. It has been in my mind for 5 weeks now and I have been invited to come and talk about it. My heart really longs to do it, because I feel this year is my year to get myself together, to reclaim my power en rebuild my life again.
And eventhough I don't know my path and I take little steps. I know for sure it is important for me to get into my power again. Like that I can do what I must do.
So I draw a card today with the question if it would be good if I would do this training also.

This was the answer:

She-warrior - She who supports life

Underneath you lies the road of simplicity. The road is more intense than you thougt and you suprise yourself about it's natural course. You notice that in your daily life you get distracted a lot by all kind of messages fired your way. How do you handle this? The She-warrior will show you the way. She guards your focus en asks you to set a goal and go for it. Some souls know from their birth their goal in their life. Others ask themselves what their life-legend is en how they can come closer to this. The She-warrior helps you to strenghten your inner power and to find your task in this life.
For this she uses her magical weapon: The Javelin. A resting javeling stands next beside you vertically and symbolises your strength. When a javelin is thrown away she moves horizontally. This symbolizes your life purpose. Rest and movement form together a Holy Cross, the essence of who you are. Bring rest and movement in balance and experience the legend within you.



This answer makes me think that if I have the change to do the training that I should. So I hope I get the possibility to do it. I just send it out to the universe and hope something good will come out of it.

Today I did went outside but not for meditation or music :S But I did something for my training though... I bought a little silver bracelet. At the training we got a orange bead to put around our wrist. But the wire was to smooth and everytime the knot went out. So I bought a bracelet and attaced the bead with some iron wire to it :-) Like this everytime I get a new bead I can put is on my bracelet and do not lose my beads. I would really be sad if that would happen, because a lot of prayers, wishes and happy thoughts are given to them.

I also got a new book for writing, I got a giftcard for my birthday so I could get the book with my giftcard :-) Like that I got myself a birthday present that will hold an important part of life.



And eventhough I spend not a lot time outside today because of the cold. I got a wonderful experience with a barnowl today. I went to look inside our barn to see if I could find him and I did. But when I send my boyfriend of running to get my camera the owl saw me and flew into house and stayed there. But it was amazing to have an owl fly so close over my head :-)
Again an owl  ;-)

I have a feeling I will see more of him in this yeartraining.

She who speaks with Relations (30 January, Little Robin)

Today I find myself quite calm. I can stress about a lot, but somehow my mind made the choice not to do that. Like that I could spend the morning watching my little friend the robin. The robin was the first bird that I saw with the training last friday and today he spend the whole morning in our garden and also very close. I have a special relation with this bird. He always shows up when it is necessary for me to hear that everything will be fine. Because it stayed so close to me this morning I could easily take pictures of him :-)

After friday somehow I have the feeling I let go of more stuff than that I thought. Maybe that is why I feel so calm today. Like some sort of changement has taken place in my heart. I can not really explain.
Today I really wanted to go outside but I did not take the time for myself to do it. Tomorrow I should really do it. Because I feel really like a pussy right now, because I hate the cold, but I know that when I am outside and I go in the energy of Mother Earth I will feel warm. So tomorrow no complaining, just go, dress warm and place my ass in a nice place close to the house between the snowdrops and snow.
Playing my flute, singing, meditation and trying to go deeper within myself. Maybe the robin will come and visit me there too. We will see.
The most important lesson right now is first to connect with myself and than with the others.

She who speaks with Relations (First day of the training)

"She who speaks with Relations is the first teacher in the cycle. She is the Mother of Nature and the Planetary Family. She teaches us how to understand the unspoken Languages of Nature, our kinship with all life forms, how to enter the Sacred Spaces of others with respect, how to honor cycles, rhythms, and changes of season and weather, and how to meld with the life force and rhythms in all dimensions to learn the Truth of each thing in our World."

Today is the day, I need to get up early to get my stuff and get to the train. But I don't mind, i am really looking forward to do this. But of course there happens something that is stressing me out completly. I need to make an appointment for my oldest son, to pick him up and my ex don't answer his phone so I am really worried how to take care of this, because i can not pick up my phone during the training.
And after sending a sms and calling again in the train and not getting an answer I am also getting angry. Great, my day started fine, but when I am in de train I feel like shit.

After one and half hour of traveling I arrive at the station. My friend who also does the training awaits me and together we walk to a beautiful location in de forest. And for once we don't get lost. Hooray for us!

When we arrive a fire is burning and I am very grateful for that because of course I am cold (as always). I warm myself att he fire and put on my snowboots that my friend brought me. We get some hot tea and of course I need to make a phonecall. Luckely the others are not there yet and I call my ex again, but he pushes me away. So my anger gets a bit bigger...ggrrr
I call a good friend and he wants to help me out and will call my ex for me when I am in the training. I feel a bit more calm.

After a hour everybody is finally there and we get inside and open a circle. For me opening the circle not myself and with the help of drums is a complete new experience and I enjoy it a lot. The forst thing I notice that I feel calm in the group. The energy is soft and gentle.
We also sing and do a very beautiful ritual to connect to each other. For me a ritual that set tears to my eyes. Not very easy to do ;-)
We connected to Mother Earth and to the universe. In my meditation to connect to Mother Earth I see myself tie my spiritual cord to a heartshaped stone. It gives me the feeling she loves me.
I feel my center lies in my womb and I feel the loss my child. And everytime we need to connect to our center I feel myself getting pushed in this pain.... Not a nice feeling.

After spending some time inside we all must find a place in the forest. A place that will be our own holy space for the next year. So i dress myself very warm and up I go, into the forest. I find myself a lovely place near some water, beneath some pine trees.We got the task to connect to our place, the clanmother and bring something from our place back to the house. I am content with my place, less happy I am with the dead mouse I find near my place. I think I disturb an owl with his catch, because the mouse looks "fresh" and only got one bite out of it. When I look at the mouse he looks so helpless to me... I leave him there and get back under my tree. Of course I can not concentrate and I take a look at my phone because I want to be sure I can pick up my son tonight. I call my friend, he tells me all is okay, but still I also call my ex to really be sure all is fine. And thank Goddess all is fine. Now I can finally sit and relax...well I think. Because my mind get drawn to the mouse again...damn!
I go back to the mouse, shall I take it with me? My mind says, are you completly crazy. My heart says don't be a pussy. I get back to my place again and try to think of something else. I overlook the water and think of a moment that I was at the Solse Gat with my friend and we both saw fairies dancing on the water. I feel the same energy here now. But thinking of my friend, I think of the mouse again. My friend is very comfortable with dead animals and taking parts from it. So I think again that I should take the mouse. I think it is a beautiful offer of the owl. It shows me sometimes things should die first before they can be reborn first. So I decide to take the mouse. Silently I walk to my friend and ask if she has a bag, but no. So my mind tells me inmediatly now you don't have to take it. But when I walk back I find myself a platic bag...shit now I HAVE to take it. So with two sticks I place the mouse on the plastic bag and put it in my bag. Now I feel finally relaxt.
I breath and stare over the water. The last element I need to work through. I need to drown first before I can reborn. I realize that I want to controle a lot of things. Normally I controlled most things in my life, but now that I let go of everything there is not much to control anymore and I realise I grab everything I can grab to hold on to, to have control in my life. And today was the same with my ex and my son. And I know why I do it, because in this case if I don't do it, my ex just let it pass by because he just don't cares. But I realised I need to let things go a bit more. I need to trust more that all will be fine. Without me trying to control it all.

I lean into my tree and I feel my womb again. I can feel my pain, I can feel how hard I am to myself. I don't allow myself to have pain. So long I needed to survive, that showing pain, letting in pain, was weakness in my eyes. But now I see I need my pain to heal myelf. Only by recognizing my pain, embracing my pain, I can heal it.
I stare a bit more over the water and than all of the sudden a beautiful grey horse runs across the other side, no amazone on it, no saddle just the horse. I feel completly in awe.... The horse is one of my poweranimals and I feel blessed to see her here. Grey as the myst.

And a smile reaches my face. In a while I hear the drums calling are back to the house. I stand up, thank the spirits and go back.

We have a wonderful lunch and after lunch we talk about our time in the forest and what we found. I make a good entry with dead mouse LOL
We sing, we meditate and after that we create a plate. We must put our experiences of that day on the plate. The plate has the colour of the clanmother of january, orange.
Of course I make a mouse on it :-)
This was my plate:

My mouse, the Goddes, the moon, owl feathers, a seashell and a little white stone I also find at my place.
I am happy with the result.

After the training, I went back home in the dark, with the moon lighting my way.
Of course I picked up my son in my way back. And finally back home I was happy to hold my man, see my children and have some food! I look forward to day two and will work this clanmother everyday. I will make a holy place outside here too, like that I can connect more easily I hope.
It was a great day full with love compassion, warmth, softness and respect.
I feel blessed.