I finally have my own place back. After 7 months of having no home it feels really well to be back at my own place...well it feels strange, difficult. I am very happy to have a place for my own again, but when I got here, oh it hurted so bad. I could see how much pain that I had been through, how far my soul was gone.
I missed my dogs in the house, not to see their happy faces was also very hard. The first 3 days I could not do anything, I felt so numb. My boyfriend and my 2 of my best friends have been cleaning a lot. Everythime when I trief to do something I blocked, felt my pain, felt my grieve, felt the confrontation for the years of misery.
But I kept trying, with little things, making food, buying the things that we needed.
When the kitchen was cleaned I could paint a wall, and than a wall in the living room. This morning I already felt better, could feel more peace. But it goes with ups and downs.
Boyfriend just give me tasks to do everytime and that work really well for me, because I can not see through the layers where he can. So he helps me, helps me really good.
Bit by bit I am getting more pieces back of my soul.
I really need to stay in the here and the now. Taking baby steps.
But I will get there :-) With a little help :-)
